The one upper...

It's okay, we don't have to mention any names here. I know you know one. Take a minuet to think about how mad your one upper makes you. If you don't know a one upper I'm really sorry, because that means you are the one upper. I have a one upper, and though I'm not mentioning names here, I will has it's a he. My one upper will use whatever he can to one up you. If he can't one up you with something he did, he won't hesitate to bring someone he knows into in. Like his mom or a friend for example. Don't get me wrong, like most one uppers, he stretches the truth. However, if the subject is just too unrealistic for him to have accomplished he'll bring someone else into it. He just can't take someone being better at something, so he figures if he can at least be associated with someone who's better he can get through another day. Now, I don't want to completely trash my one upper, so lets move on to a more general one upper. A one upper is a person who responds to hearing someone else's experience or problem by immediately telling a similar story about themselves with a much more fantastic or horrible outcome. Here are a couple perfect examples of a one upper I found:

Person: I got to meet James Hetfield before the concert and I got his autograph.
One Upper: Yeah, well my cousin knows the head of security for Metallica, and he got us front row tickets to the show and then we went backstage and met the whole group. Then they invited us back to their hotel room and we partied with them all night.

Person: I have a a dislocated knee.
One Upper: Yeah, well last summer I broke my leg in four places and had to have a steel pin inserted. I also had to have surgery done on my knee to repair the torn ligaments. I was on crutches for almost two months.

Yes, it's sad. I think one upping should be classified as a disease. Isn't there some kind of medication one uppers can take? Maybe we should have a sort of rehabilitation center where one uppers can become normal people.

My favorite example of a one upper is Penelope. A character Kristen Wigg plays on SNL. I tried to find one specific skit she did, but I couldn't so, this one will have to do.